tamara nicole

hellotam @ 2009-12-25T04:06:00

2009-12-25T12:07:12Z

i wish there was a constant. depression either makes me really good at sleeping

or really bad.

merry christmas

xoxo

hellotam @ 2009-12-19T04:10:00

2009-12-19T12:10:57Z

somebody needs this i don't know who, but i know somebody needs this song

to dance to in your underwear
on the bed
feeling like you don't want to give a fuck
and just be in love or something.

whole wide world

hellotam @ 2009-12-19T00:24:00

2009-12-19T08:25:08Z

hey guys don't eat a million salt & vinegar chips unless you prefer an awful stinging tongue for days.

hellotam @ 2009-12-16T04:34:00

2009-12-16T12:34:54Z

it's so easy to fall in love. it can happen while you aren't even thinking. and you are standing before the oven not even thinking of anything in particular and it can slowly filter through your body and you don't realize it. it does not sneak up on you, it envelopes you slowly over the hours you spend together. then one day your mind steps back as you kiss, and it replays the moment in your head instantly telling you this is love and that you are in it. i don't know about others but for me it is this painful beautiful thing. i don't know. does anybody know?

anyways nathan mailed me this packaged from hellokitty.com for christmas. haha it's actually really cute and i wish i could have photographed it better. otherwise, i'm not anticipating christmas too much. i have no idea where i'll be! rob helped me find a dress and hopefully we can go places.

yeah i don't know what to think these days.

hellotam @ 2009-12-11T20:26:00

2009-12-12T04:26:26Z

five alive! i could live off you and crackers you are delicious

hellotam @ 2009-12-09T19:54:00

2009-12-10T03:54:55Z

you know, i've always had overreactions to most things. inside i am this neutral thing and i am stable and attentive but outside i don't realize i say things i don't really mean. like there are so many words and i tend to grab handfuls of them, like there is just too much excess, and that is the overreaction.

i've always been afraid of money, of not having enough, or having too much and spending too fast. when i was three or four years old on my birthday, i received an envelope of money from somebody and it was a lot, actually. our company left, and my mother was washing cake off the dishes in the kitchen and i turned the envelope upside down on the wall-unit to leave a small pile of bills that i didn't want because it scared me to own too much. i was four! i think that's why my mother brought me shopping and used the birthday money then because i was just too weird to figure that it was okay to buy things.

of course now a days, i just buy things too often, i think.

i feel empty now.

hellotam @ 2009-12-07T13:34:00

2009-12-07T21:35:00Z

i'm sitting down eating cookies out of this damn box wondering that as we all tread so carefully, trying our hardest not to interrupt the flow of things because they seem so delicate, so fragile, so temporary, we are being blown over by a huge gust of 'wind of Realization' .. that in actuality things are permanent, our words are carved into our lives with permanence, and half of us don't understand the importance our impressions make on a day to day basis.

it's today, this minute, that will create a memory of your past, things don't occur later when you are ready, nobody is ever ready, it's just this huge accumulation of small minutes you are passive about that collect together to create reality and who you are, and who we are. if you forget about being passive, and remember to be passionate, and involved, is when you find that that damn box of cookies is actually a huge memory just waiting to explode onto you one day when you are crying and remembering and eating some other cookie or kissing some other person.

there is a catch though, we all have scattered memories that create who we are, right? well i may remember this box of cookies and that is how i perceive happiness and how i remember myself being nineteen but maybe you won't remember the box at all, but some other box that day, and that is how you look at things. our perspectives overlap to create the reality we live in right this moment.

hmm, i'm craving oranges. perhaps i will buy a box of mandarins later. why do interesting foods come served in boxes?

you seem to believe you belong to somebody else.

2009-10-27T04:07:23Z

do yours here.

taste.

2009-10-26T11:42:17Z

you are a shooting star and that's why you're my favourite.

When your life is tangled
You wear your disguises
But why do you need to
When I'm standing here beside you?

spearmint gum

2009-10-23T04:28:33Z

i bought this and these. and I am finding them totally rad. the laptop purse is soft and has a pink paisley design on the interior and it's very soft. also I bought a burgundy beanie with two wooden buttons and it looks nice with my new short haircut. I shouldn't shop so much but, I like to sometimes.

hellotam @ 2009-10-15T03:24:00

2009-10-15T10:25:27Z

unless this kind of thing is normal now.

haha

2009-10-15T10:24:38Z

i need a normal social life.

hellotam @ 2009-09-07T04:25:00

2009-09-07T11:26:19Z

meow

hellotam @ 2009-08-26T00:12:00

2009-08-26T07:16:45Z

i spent eight hours at work contemplating what would be most interesting to make jello in

hellotam @ 2009-08-22T00:52:00

2009-08-22T07:52:36Z

waffles waffles waffles

hellotam @ 2009-07-28T00:32:00

2009-07-28T07:32:59Z

blaaaaaaaaaah.

D:

summertime

2009-07-07T06:30:38Z

although it's cold and rainy tonight, this past week has been glowing with sun, and it was really nice. I had a relaxing weekend seeing rob, and I miss him a lot. unfortunately, work is tomorrow and I'd rather stay home and nap in my just-cleaned bedroom.

tonight Corey and I went to a thrift store and didn't really go with any purpose and found some novels and music. I chose a horror novel that I haven't started yet, and this

and some other indie rock compilation thing from last winter that I thought would be neat to check out. I haven't heard of it before and it had belle and sebastian on it, so I figured to go for it. anyways, Cor and I then went to her house and made dinner, and talked about everything. I like having friends like that, that I can talk to, even about odd or nervous thoughts.

I feel strange decorating my bedroom, which I just did, because I feel like I'm moving out soon anyways.

updates.

2009-06-10T08:31:59Z

life update: still confusing.
work update: still repetitive.
music update: Beirut, new Camera Obscura.
sleep schedule: still fucked.
plan b: move to the sunshine coast and rent that 400/month rad studio and forget the city.

ughh i'm so sick of the city you would not believe.

but then, you know, what would i do friday nights?

music.

2009-06-07T09:47:34Z

aw, while lurking last.fm as per usual, I found the sweetest song, but it's not hosted anywhere online besides youtube, so here is janta. I don't listen to a lot of folk sort of music (so excuse my inexperienced ears), but camelo came off as banhart, and mallu was just adorable. I wish I could find a copy somewhere. :(

also, so cute: "Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML"

so today at work.

2009-05-25T07:12:12Z

after standing for an hour straight, weaving bracelets out of paper-covered wire, watching somebody slowly flip through a madonna-inspired novel collection (a ha ha.) I realized that everyone I was working with had gone through UBC or Emily Carr and did years of studies, but they were all my co-workers, doing the same thing I do, every day.
am I going to leave to uni, just to come back into town and do the same stupid job? ughh.

also, coming home and having a banana and iced tea and a shower is the best feeling after a long and hot (but sweet) day.

new fishy.

2009-05-20T07:54:22Z

he's so cute. :)
and sleeps in the little center of the tank that's meant for the gravel but I didn't want to overdo it straight away.

pink

2009-05-17T10:57:57Z

i am not so sure anymore.

(what i am saying is that today wasn't the most fantastic day. here, paper flowers on my desk.)

sunshine

2009-05-15T05:46:30Z

today was one of those nice days off. it was sunny and I sat most of the day on my washer waiting for laundry to finish, reading a book. my sister came home and we went birthday present shopping with corey. ending up at a pet shop after walking down commercial drive, we found a litter of the cutest grey fuzzy kittens to cuddle with. :( kittens are just one of the best creatures.

my new fish tank.
(I have yet to get the fish, just imagine that monster is my new pet.)

zeeebra shopping bag.

(in my mom's garden this morning.)

rainstorm.

2009-05-14T05:38:05Z

my room is a whirlwind of stuff right now and i guess i'm in a transition of moving, and it's strange when my family is settled right in around me and i don't feel at home at all anymore. anyways i can't seem to find my camera in this mess, sure i have my digital on hand but i'd like to take my favourite one with me tomorrow since it's going to be sweet out. rantrant, take a look at my polaroid that i found in the messy closet, and my messy drawers.

groooss.

really.

2009-05-13T07:12:37Z

"you just made my day."

nobody ever really says those words often. love and hate words are generally thrown around carelessly in general conversation, so they are never a huge surprise, but when appreciation came up this morning when I was at my old coffee shop ordering coffee from the girls I used to work with, it was sort of a surprise. I suppose it meant more to me than it did to her, but the sincerity of it made me think for a second and realize what she was saying.

I was thirty minutes early for work today, and sat with my coffee and chatted with my manager (who was opening.) about hockey. (not the book somebody is reading in the staffroom, the politics that were happening later that day, nor too much elaboration on mothers day, but hockey.) what I'm saying is that I need some nice girl time with one of my girl friends. I'd like to go to the cupcake shop and have tea and take photos at the lake and chat about boys. hahaha.

(but really.)